Welcome to this week’s "Division 2 Disaster Class," where 16 matches were played, yet I’m not entirely sure any of them actually involved someone hitting the board. We’ve seen a week of Darts so poor that the boards are currently filing for emotional distress. It’s like watching a pub team try to play while legally blindfolded. Let’s talk about "Mr. T." The man has played so many matches this week I’m convinced he’s either a professional hustler or the only person in the league who doesn't have a job to go to. He spent the week vacuuming up points like a sentient Dyson, only to get absolutely dismantled by James Keen. And speaking of James, he managed a staggering 46.97 average—which is high for this league, but let’s be honest, it’s still barely enough to beat a nervous teenager at a Sunday morning youth tournament. We need to address the absolute state of Aaron Rowlstone. Aaron, darling, an average of 37.53? I’ve seen three-legged dogs with better aim. You hit a 180 and still lost 7-0? That’s not a defeat, that’s a cry for help. Put the darts down, go get a nice hobby, maybe knitting or competitive staring. If you average under 40 again, I’m personally coming down there to confiscate your flights. Rhys Douglas and James Keen played to a 6-6 draw, a result that proves two people can indeed stand at a board for an hour and accomplish absolutely nothing of value. With checkout percentages in the single digits, watching that match was like watching two snails race toward a salt shaker. You both should be ashamed, but mostly, I’m just impressed you both managed to find the room. Player of the Week: Mr. T. You’re clearly obsessed, you’ve played enough games to qualify for a pension, and you’ve flattened half the division. I hate your efficiency, but at least you showed up. Choker of the Week: Aaron Rowlstone. Averaging 37.53 is a hate crime against the sport of Darts. I hope the Oche is as embarrassed to have you standing on it as I am to be reporting these stats. Sort it out, everyone. If I see another round of "Division 2 Darts" that looks like it was played by throwing a handful of pencils at a wall, I’m taking the whole league off the air and replacing it with footage of paint drying—it’ll have a higher checkout percentage anyway. See you next week, try to hit the board, yeah? 🎯